1. The dough
Your Zhingyalov Hats needs dough to be able to envelope the weight of the region’s troubles inside it. Almost two months ago, a mob of azeris blocked the Lachin road, and food products and other supplies have been scarce ever since. It’s the end of January, and you’re given colorful coupons to purchase five types of food in the stores of Artsakh. You’re a third worlder making Zhingyalov Hats and you do not have the resources, and First, Second, and other world countries are very concerned. So do not despair! Chances are you are already used to living in force majeure conditions, because if your first name is Indigenous, the only surname you’re given upon birth is Struggle. Plus, your neighbor will probably be happy to share with you the little scraps of flour she has had stored since early autumn for this exact scenario. Cover the bowl of dough with a towel and let it sit for a few hours.
REMEMBER: Scarcity is just a frame of mind. Any twenty-year-old anglophone blogger will tell you that you need to shift from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset for the universe to start manifesting what you need. You’ll never manifest enough flour and oil for your bread with this attitude!
2. The filling
Traditionally, the stuffing for Zhingyalov Hats consists of 10-20 types of diced and oiled herbs. But it’s the middle of a blockaded-winter, and vegetables, fruits and greens are completely absent from the food ration. Luckily, you can make do with just 3 types of wild herbs and you don’t even need to go to the market for them. Choose the herbs you desire and wash them thoroughly. Not ‘thoroughly’, the way international media has been covering the happenings in your homeland, but really put your heart into it so that you get rid of all the dirt and bacteria from each stem and leaf. It’s important you take care of your health, always! Even when you feel low!
REMEMBER: Thousands of youtubers say that they often turn to their comfort dishes when they’re feeling down. There’s no shame in needing comfort from time to time, even if you’re not a westerner.
3. The shaping
After the dough has risen, separate it into 4 equal blobs, just like Artsakhi children who came to Yerevan for the Euro(impaired)vision Song Contest and were separated from their families and loved ones with no way to return home. Use a rolling pin to flatten your dough balls into equally shaped ovals. Don’t forget to flour your work surface and rolling pin generously as you go, just like humanitarian organizations have been so generous with their words of concern and sympathy. When your ovals are ready, spread the herbs over them, fold over the sides and roll out your bread again so that there’s no sight of its green filling left, just like news outlets when they roll out one distracting piece of information after another to make us forget the essential.
REMEMBER: Food must always be prepared with love, as it not only nourishes our physical body, but also the spiritual. So make sure to keep a positive frame of mind and channel as much love as you can when cooking.
4. The preparation
In the average kitchen with its average supplies, you can fry your Zhingyalov Hats in a cast iron pan over the stove. In -5 degrees Celsius Artsakh, where Baku shuts down the gas and electricity on a daily basis, you’ll have to make do with the very traditional method of using a special griddle called “saj” over a wood-burning stove. Let the stove work up to a room-heating temperature before you start frying and you’ll get to enjoy the soothing sounds of the roaring fire. Taste is not the only important aspect here – the appearance should be beautiful too. So make sure you fry the bread carefully to make it appealing visually. Just like textbook fascists that were dressed up into fur-coat wearing, dove-killing eco-environmentalists to make their malignant mission more palatable for the unassuming foreigner reading up on world news.
TOP TIP: Mental health is very important. A number of bloggers advise to cut yourself off social media and the internet as often as you can. There’s not much you can do about others’ tragedies, and it’ll just make you feel miserable about your own life.
5. Bon appétit
Your Zhingyalov Hats is ready to eat. And before long, it will be gone, which you may find a little sad and think back on it with wistfulness when you feel hungry again. Thankfully, you can make Zhingyalov Hats again in the future.
Nareh Ayvazyan
Image by Carine Aroyan